Friday, July 19, 2013

When I am old and grey. . .

When I am old and grey, I will look back on this summer and smile. Perhaps with a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
It started with an adventure to a place I fell in love with.  I came back to an adventure with a great friend. It continued with the same great friend.
I made good money at a nice enough job, with pleasant people. I got wonderful advice from a fantastic friend at a place that I love.
I discovered a lot about myself and who I am. My best friend and I spent a lot of time driving aimlessly, talking, and watching Dr. Who.
I got back into a state of mind that let me be creative and comfortable, and to help me get back into writing and drawing and painting. It also helped me free my inhibitions about about public singing- though I've been sounding pretty pitchy lately.
I've snuck a boy in and around my house, and he has slept in my bed on occasion.
I went to Wal-Mart at 10:30 at night and locked the keys in the car with a great friend. And after that was fixed, we drove around until 4 am.
We celebrated being friends for 3 years. We fought off the hordes of people insisting that we date. We learned to read each other's moods and actions and glances. We memorized each other's habits and fears. We truly became each other's soul mates.
Someday I will either be happy or sad about all of this. Either thinking about this great summer with Jacob will break my heart, or warm it. Maybe we'll still be friends, maybe not. Maybe he'll die too soon. Maybe we'll be married. Maybe we'll stop being friends. Maybe we've changed. Maybe we'll be essentially the same people. Is Jacob out West? Am I out East? Do we meet in the middle?
In 15 years, we'll have been friends longer than not. I like to hope so at least. I like to believe that when two people fit together as well as we do, that they stay friends for a long, long time.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Words from my head.

I swear, I have more blog posts saved as drafts than I do posts that I've posted. I cannot promise any of those drafts to be finished and posted in a timely manner. I leave for college in one month and three days. Holy macaroni.
I've been doing a lot of journaling lately, and thought the world might like to hear some of my 'power lines' that I hope to stem a story of sorts off of, along with some 'Shalyn-isms' as Jacob likes to call them. The following messages have been edited by my discretion. I do not care what you think of them, but I hope you enjoy them.

July 6th, 2013
Religion is a funny thing. I can't honestly say I do or do not believe in God or Buddha or whatever, but I've grown up in Christianity, so it's a comforting idea. But I think this Jesus fellow would like me. Not because I say my prayers and all that, but because I am exactly who he's meant for me to be. I think if God's real, he made all of us exactly the way we were meant to be. He intended for many to stray and/or be terrible humans. He knows what he's doing. We really need to stop hating on each other. We're all right.

July 8th, 2013
SURPRISE! Jacob-isms happen too! Enjoy this one.
"The emotions are what make you you."
And one from an unremembered date.
"I think you're a real friend, but a fake bitch."

July 3rd, 2013
". . . everything seemed to have this gentle glow, like it was showing off for me."
"I want someone to be laying in the sun, quietly reading with me. I want someone to put their arm around me when the sunset chills roll in. I want someone to curl up in blankets with me and talk as the moon comes up . I want someone to look at me the way I look at the sunsets and the moon and the beaches. I want someone to look at me and smile because I am the best thing in their world."

July 11th, 2013
"They threw each other wayward looks, but never at the same time.
They read the same books, but at different paces.
Everything fit but the timing.
Perhaps someday they'd see the same thing at the same time.
But today was not that day."

"How lucky are we to have found each other so early.
How sad that it can't work out.
How hopeful for what's to come."

". . .It would be the beginning of a beautiful thing. 
But beautiful things always end in sorrow.
So for now, it's best that you don't."