In case you were unaware, I'm in the second semester of my senior year. (78 days left until graduation!) This entails A LOT of essay writing. I was fortunate enough to get accepted to the only college I applied to and also received their top scholarship, the Board of Trustees Scholarship. It covers all of my tuition and I think fees, but I'm not sure. Interestingly enough, room and board costs more than tuition. Sensical? No. But thus continues the scholarship hunt!
There are literally thousands of scholarships out there. At least a third of them have something to do with 'leadership' in the requirements. My resume consists of a C average grade point average, 8 years of clarinet, and nothing else that is particularly exemplary. (Unless being a Nerdfighter and an avid Internet-surfer gets me anywhere.) Needless to say, there's not much 'leadership' happening here.
So most nights after midnight, I get really nostalgic and philosophical. (Incidentally, it's 1:15 as I type this. Coinkydink? No.) One night I was up thinking about my lack of leadership roles, and I remembered a conversation I had with a friend during one of my classes that day. My friend, Trey, and I were talking about some good times we've had with some of our other friends. These friends are the type that guidance counselors parents, and public service announcements on NTV tell you to stay away from. One was literally a convicted arsonists who also taught me everything I might ever need to know about drugs and alcohol. (Including the fact that after you puke because of a particular drink, you never want to drink it again.) We kept talking about all the bad decisions we had all made and he turned to another friend who was not in our group back then, Taylar, and said, "Shalyn was literally my mother for all of freshman year." Then it dawned on me, THAT'S my leadership role!
I was never president or officer of any group. I didn't run in the right circles. I got caught up in a bad crowd, but I managed to pull myself out of it, pull some others out of it, and keep our heads on (even if slightly tilted). I can honestly say that I kept several friends from dying. One from overdosing on cough cold and congestion pills, though not before he permanently gave himself ulcers. He learned to tame his violent temper by talking to me instead of punching the nearest solid. At least two of my friends would have committed suicide and/or continued self mutilating themselves.
So I tell ya what, Mr. Scholarship Granter, I may not meet all the requirements you want. I may not fit the mold of the perfect child you want to help. But those children's mommies and daddies probably are going to wind up paying for their education after they flunk out from partying when they should be studying. Not me. I have crappy grades because I've spent my entire life caring for someone, practically mothering every friend (and half the family members) I've ever had. I put them before my future. And now I'm paying for that?
No. I refuse to believe the fact that because I've cared, I have to continue suffering. I've given myself ulcers from worrying. I've gone days without sleep to stay up with friends to keep them from killing themselves and still managed to go to all my classes. I was the DD, I was the babysitter, I was the shoulder to cry on, and now I'm going to be the student. I am going to completely separate myself from all of them so I can make my life better for a change. Now don't deny me the opportunity to finally make my life better. Or else all of this will have been for nothing, and I can't accept that.
