Confidence

"One of the most important things I've learned so far at college is probably the most invaluable piece of knowledge I've ever gotten.
I look around at the girls on campus. Some of them are tan and toned, some are chubby, some are so fat they waddle, some are nothing but skin and bones, but they all look nice. And when you look at their faces, they all have some little imperfection. Every single one of them. And they still look nice.
As I sit here going through the album on Facebook that someone put up, full of close-up pictures of people smiling and having fun, I realize that the thing that ultimately makes someone pretty is them believing that they are pretty. I am by no means a super-model, but I have to start realizing that I am pretty. My eyes and nose and mouth are pretty. My face, even with it's acne scars and bumps, is pretty. My smile that reaches up into my eyes that are two different colors, is pretty. My body is as pretty as I present it to be. There are girls all around me with a flabby arms and thunder thighs that are not afraid to wear tank tops and short shorts. Some of them maybe shouldn't show so much, but I commend them for not being afraid of showing their body off to the public. I am more comfortable hiding inside my XL t-shirts and baggy shorts that cover my knees, but I don't need to hide. Somewhere on campus is a guy that would love to see more of me. Not just in the typical 'I want to put my penis inside of you' type, but the 'I want to get to know and love every inch of your skin' kind of way."

I started this post at the beginning of the semester, back in August or September. Now it's December. I've got a broken arm and a shaved head. (More on that in THIS post). The broken arm and wheelchair bound-ness has limited my wardrobe to sweats and t-shirts, which kind of sucks (but is kind of nice). But the shaved head, that has changed my entire look completely.

July of this year

After surgery

November of this year

Luckily, I found that guy I was referring to earlier. When I first saw my reflection without my hair, he was sitting with me. I started crying and he just sat there holding my hand. He told me not to worry because it wasn't even the prettiest part of me. Talk about a great guy. :)
The bottom line is, if I hadn't realized my own beauty, this wreck would have killed me. Not literally, but it would have killed my sense of self worth.
Sure, there are still days when I look in the mirror and want to cry. There are still moments when I see my reflection and say, "Ew." But I still know I'm pretty enough for me, and that's all that really counts.

The Month that Changed My Life

Thursday, October 24th, My friends and I had a "Classy Thursday." We dressed up all day, then got our friend's brother (and my soon to be boyfriend) to throw a Ho's and CEO's party. It was a great day and an even better night. :)

Fancy Thursday

Classy ho's :)

Saturday, October 26th we were in Omaha. We spent the day trying to find my little sister a Halloween costume. We were surprised at supper by my mom and her husband, who were supposed to be in Maine. Once we got back to Peru, we got ready for a costume party. Nichole went as a fox, Andi as a cowgirl, and I as a flapper from the 20's.

Lookin cute!

On Sunday October 27th, at around 2 am, I rolled my car. My (soon to be) boyfriend was with me, but thankfully was not hurt. He climbed out to find me partially ejected, my left arm bent under me, the car across my lap, and dirt coating my face as I screamed for help. Luckily an EMT lived just around the corner and came to sit with me until help came.
After they pulled me out onto the backboard and loaded me up in the ambulance, they took me to Auburn, and then flew me by helicopter to Lincoln's Brian West hospital. I was taken to the trauma ER where my parents met me.

I wasn't looking so great anymore

I went into surgery at 6:30 am to put my shattered humerus back together and to release the softball sized ball of fluid that was trapped between my skull and my scalp from where I hit my head against a tree. (I'll spare you the picture) When I woke up my room in ICU was full of people and machines. Apparently my friends followed me to both hospitals and stayed until my mom sent them home around 9 that morning. They came back that night too. :)

My little sister and Rich never left my side :)

The next few days are a bit of a blur. There were cards, calls, and visits from so many people. There were doctors and nurses and x-rays and needles. There were medications and vitals taken. I was so exhausted, but my friends came to see me almost every day, even if I was miserable company.

My best friend, Jacob, surprised me!

Dustin, Rich, Chelsea, me, Nichole, and Andi
Aka the "Peru Crew"

On Halloween, I was moved up to the rehab floor after finding out I have a fractured pelvis. I was excited to finally get to wear my own clothes!

In rehab, I met some wonderful people. We would all get together to eat and talk about why we were there. It was as much a part of therapy as any of the things the therapists made us do! Being able to see other people in your predicament is a great thing to mentally get you through the rehab!

Marilyn is a special young lady. :) She was in with an amputated foot. This lady has so much spunk, it can't help but cheer you up!

 Dave was in recovering from a stroke. He and I had therapy together most days, and he works so hard to get better! He and his wife, Kelly, live in the tiny town of Peru, where I go to college. It'll be fun to keep in touch with them when I go back to school.

James and Kelly were in a car accident not long after mine. He swerved to miss a deer and their car went off a bridge. Long story short, they're in bad shape -but lucky to be alive! They've been home (sort of) for a few weeks now. Luckily we can still keep in touch. :)







Due to my broken-ness, I couldn't go to school and I couldn't go home. Thankfully, a close friend has opened his home to my mother and I. He's truly a blessing right now!

It's now been 6 1/2 weeks since the accident. My fractured pelvis is almost healed and I've been cleared to start walking on December 19th. My arm is healing nicely, and I've even regained some control of my wrist! It's been a crazy month and a half, but I'm so lucky it happened. I've learned to be more patient and empathetic. I've found out who my real friends are, and who I can always count on. And hey, I got a pretty awesome boyfriend out of all this.
Though I'm not happy it happened, and I definitely regret a lot of choices that put me into this predicament, I will never forget this time in my life, and hopefully it makes me a better person. :)