Senioritis

When it hits, it hits hard. For the Aurora High School graduating class of 2013, senioritis has sunk it's claws into our spirit. Even the top of the class, the ones that have always been the front of the pack, has began to drag. With just 16 days left, we're all ready to leave. I only have one class a day, so imagine how much I don't want to be there. I go to band and choir, then I come sit in the guidance office (aka the senior sanctuary) for a class, then I go eat lunch at my grandma's and aide at the museum, before coming back to school for College World Lit and Language. Talk about sucking! It's not a terrible class. I actually really like the discussions we get into, but this multi-genre is killing me slowly.
That's what I should be doing right now. I'm sitting here in my empty block, left behind when I dropped out of College Algebra. I'm supposed to use it as a study hall, but I mostly just use it to play around online. I check Facebook and Twitter every 5-10 minutes, Tumblr is blocked on the school network, my Pandora radios are all perfectly customized, my graduation party has been planned to every little detail, but I'll always find something that needs to be done that isn't my English homework. I like to think it's a senior thing, but it's probably just a me thing.
So what else am I doing to fill my time lately? The musical's over, the party's all planned, the museum only has one or two projects for me to work on (Reading all of the Aurora newspapers from 1905 and 1906 and filing 1,000 probate records. My life rocks.) so that all takes up my time until about 5 o'clock. That still leaves 7-9 hours of my day to fill! Well, I spend a lot of time with my friend Jacob. I watch a lot of Netflix. I hang out at my grandma's. I lay in my room doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes I literally sit in my room and stare at the clock, watching it inch closer to graduation. It's getting pathetic, really. (Side note: only 303 more hours until I walk across the stage!) I feel like at this point, no one should expect anything of me. I took a week off of work right after graduation. I'm going to sleep until noon. Maybe I'll do some laundry. Maybe I'll get caught up on Dr. Who. Maybe I'll get through 5 more generations on Sims 2. But I'm not going to do anything that is vitally important. No papers, no tests, no quizzes, no working, and no schedules. I am going to take a one week vacation and just do nothing.
*flashes forward a few days to when I remembered this forgotten draft*
My mom and I went to Grand Island this afternoon to buy scrapbook stuff for all my pictures. We spent a whole hour in those three isles of Hobby Lobby, talking about all the cool pictures I have. I've reached the point in graduation party planning where I'm trying to figure out how I can use this party to show the world how I view things. I don't want people to just show up, sign the scrapbook, eat some cake, and move on. I want people to learn something about me. Be it learning that I have two different colored eyes, learning how my life has looked through my eyes, or my deep thoughts on nerding out, I want people to learn something. I feel like if there is one thing people take away from meeting me, it's that we should constantly be learning.
Of course, I say this as I avoid doing my English project(s), so what do I know.

Questions!

So I've been trying to come up with things to blog about on here. I thought about talking about my life (graduation, prom, best friend-om, museum stuff, English class, etc). Then one day (every day) I was on Tumblr and someone had reblogged this. I blogged it for finding purposes, and now I'm going to answer all 23 of these questions! It's like middle school on Facebook all over again!!!

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
I think it's easier to look into their eyes while I'm talking than when I'm listening. I mean, where are you supposed to look when the other person is talking???
2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
I think it would be safe to assume it had something to do with my dad's girlfriend's existence.
3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
Oh geez. Well, I'm assuming help has already been called. I would either call my grandma or my best friend, Jacob. Jacob would probably be like, "What the hell do you want? I have better things to do than listen to you. I hate you!" and as much as I would love for that to be our last conversation, I think I'd want some love from my grandma in those final moments.
4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
I would tell the people that I think need to know. I probably wouldn't put it on Facebook or Twitter or on here. I'd probably spend a lot of time reading and making bad decisions with my friends. I would most definitely not go to school. That's the only thing I know for sure.
5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
I would choose trust. If I had to marry someone based on this question, I would choose the person I trust over the person I love any day. Love can get messy and painful and is often not worth it, especially if you can't trust the person you love. If I trust someone, I'm trusting that they aren't going to hurt me. They're going to take care of me and we could be happy together for a long, long time.
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
1) There is no canal near me, so this is highly unlikely. 2) I can't swim. 3) I would never work for someone who doesn't understand my loose relationship with time. 4) I'd just call 911. Poor puppy!
7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
Love. If you're hurt by someone you trust, it hurts so much more because you were trusting that they wouldn't do that. It's almost expected to be hurt by the one you love.
8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
Holy poop. This is something that everyone I know is asking me lately. He's someone I really trust. I know he'll always be there for me and will always watch my back, and I for him. I think I've already fallen in love with him, but not in that way. If he told me that he loved me (which is unlikely to happen) I would be completely baffled. I would, for once in my life, be speechless.
9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
In a heartbeat, so long as I get to spend that one hour with him. I don't honestly see the value in my own life, so to sacrifice a year of my life to spend even a minute more with my grandpa would mean the world to me.
10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Heck no! I'm indecisive, moody, unpredictable, and rude. I have no filter for my thoughts or actions, and I don't care if what I say hurts someone. I would cry if I had a friend like me. But on the other side, I devote everything to whoever I'm with. They have my full attention and care, 24/7. I guess I'd take me, as long as I knew the side effects.
11. Does love = sex?
Most certainly not. I love my sister, but NOT like that. I love Jacob, but not like that either. And making love is not the same as having sex. A person can have sex with anyone, but you can only make love to someone you're in love with.
12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
I think I would. Chances are, my boss would be able to give me a glowing review for any potential employers because of that act of kindness. It's just a job anyhow.
13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
I don't know, actually. I say a lot of brutally honest things to people every day, but it's never been very difficult. I'm kind of thinking of this as telling something to someone I care about, and I don't tell people I care about what I honestly think. I'd scare a lot of friends off.
14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
I think it's harder to tell someone you don't love them back. As much of a rude person as I can be, I don't like to break other people's hearts. I'd honestly probably just go along with it for a long time before I finally had to say something.
15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?
Material or other? If we're talking material things, I'd say internet. It's how I keep in touch with friends, family, and even strangers. It's how I stay up to date on current events, and how I entertain myself. Non-material things, I'd have to say my cat. I love that little guy so much. I would cry for days if I lost him.
16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
I tell my grandma I love her every day. I didn't tell my grandpa I loved him the last time I saw him, so I'm trying to make sure that never happens again.
17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
I don't know. Probably last Saturday night, after prom. I'd try and milk a little more fun out of the night. :)
18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
Probably? I don't really know. I don't know CPR, and I don't have one of those mask things. I don't know if I'd save anyone. I have very little value for human life. There's so many of us!
19.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
I'd let go of my grandma. She has led a very long, happy life, and I think she would rather go on to see Grandpa again. Besides, it'd be so selfish of me to save her for my own personal sake and let someone's baby die.
20. Are you old fashioned?
Without a doubt.
21. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
I'm not sure. I try to be a generally friendly person to people I meet. 
22.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
23.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
I think if I could wish to do anything in the world, I would want to get paid to learn. I don't want to be told what I have to learn though, I just want to learn what I want when I want.

So there we have it! 23 things you've been DYING to know about me!

Grab a cardigan and go live life.

Sometimes I forget that I wrote a blog post at 2:00 am, so when I'm about to make a new post a week or so later, it pops up and I need to finish it. This is one of those times. So, enjoy this.

Just yesterday Mary, Julia, and I were saying we wished we were blogging more. I suddenly just developed a list of things to blog about!!
A few weeks ago, Hank Green (of the Vlogbrothers) was visiting the Philip L. Wright Zoological Museum on the University of Montana campus. When he posted a video containing a Miss Emily Graslie, the internet fell in love. Nerdfighters everywhere immediately requested more of her, and more we've gotten. She was given a web show of her own, The Brain Scoop, where she has been working with wolves a lot lately.

She, and others!, made this video this week. (CAUTION! It's very gross.) After watching, I began thinking about something very important. What makes animals so different from humans?
I got on Tumblr and asked this question, and she responded so much sooner than I anticipated. It honestly seems a little incomprehensible to me that someone I admire so much read something I wrote, AND responded to it.

I bet you're currently trying to figure out why I admire this lady so much. And also why I tweeted about this ordeal 5 times in 20 minutes, as well as posting about it on Facebook, and am now blogging about it. In all honesty, I'm not sure.

My whole life, I have loved history with a passion. I have only fallen asleep in a history class once (we were watching a really boring video, not my fault) and I'm always at the front of the class paying attention. Because of this, I'm like a walking book of random stories, facts, and trivia that I've absorbed. My mom has been telling me, for several years, that I should go up to our local museum (the Plainsman Museum) and volunteer. Since my mom was telling me to do it, I assumed it would suck, so I never did. I have never regretted that decision more than in the last few weeks!
The first week or two of January, I went in and asked if I could volunteer there. Megan Sharp, aka the slightly older version of me, seemed genuinely excited by this and said I was welcome whenever I wanted to be there. Starting the following Tuesday, I have been there every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and most Fridays since. I'm estimating that I have spent close to 150 hours there in the last three months. This is on top of school, musical practice, and my actual job, but it's been the best 150 hours I can imagine. Obviously, I was born to be in a museum.
I did a little soul searching and decided that this is what I'm meant to do. I NEED to find a way to get paid to be in a museum, cleaning antique bowls, cataloging newspaper articles, researching local families, I need to do this forever. I feel like I am incredibly lucky to have found what I believe to be my life's calling at the ripe, young age of 17.

How does this all tie in with a lady with feather earrings and a scalpel picking away at a rotting wolf's pelt? Emily Graslie feels the same way about zoology and taxidermy as I do about my little museum. She loves it so much that after she graduated with a degree in painting, she went back to school to get a degree to allow her to get paid to work at the museum. That's right, she doesn't get paid to do all of this nifty stuff either. I guess that's why I like her so much. We're floating in alarmingly similar boats. Except hers just went from being a 'me' to being a celebrity in the eyes of Nerdfightaria. Emily and Hank and Michael and everyone else who supports these videos are the reason I even thought of going into Museum Studies! She was kind of the eye-opener that said, "Hey. If you really love it, don't talk yourself out of it. It's not just for old people anymore. Grab your cardigan and go live life!

Leadership, or my apparent lack thereof.

In case you were unaware, I'm in the second semester of my senior year. (78 days left until graduation!) This entails A LOT of essay writing. I was fortunate enough to get accepted to the only college I applied to and also received their top scholarship, the Board of Trustees Scholarship. It covers all of my tuition and I think fees, but I'm not sure. Interestingly enough, room and board costs more than tuition. Sensical? No. But thus continues the scholarship hunt!

There are literally thousands of scholarships out there. At least a third of them have something to do with 'leadership' in the requirements. My resume consists of a C average grade point average, 8 years of clarinet, and nothing else that is particularly exemplary. (Unless being a Nerdfighter and an avid Internet-surfer gets me anywhere.) Needless to say, there's not much 'leadership' happening here.

So most nights after midnight, I get really nostalgic and philosophical. (Incidentally, it's 1:15 as I type this. Coinkydink? No.) One night I was up thinking about my lack of leadership roles, and I remembered a conversation I had with a friend during one of my classes that day. My friend, Trey, and I were talking about some good times we've had with some of our other friends. These friends are the type that guidance counselors parents, and public service announcements on NTV tell you to stay away from. One was literally a convicted arsonists who also taught me everything I might ever need to know about drugs and alcohol. (Including the fact that after you puke because of a particular drink, you never want to drink it again.) We kept talking about all the bad decisions we had all made and he turned to another friend who was not in our group back then, Taylar, and said, "Shalyn was literally my mother for all of freshman year." Then it dawned on me, THAT'S my leadership role!

I was never president or officer of any group. I didn't run in the right circles. I got caught up in a bad crowd, but I managed to pull myself out of it, pull some others out of it, and keep our heads on (even if slightly tilted). I can honestly say that I kept several friends from dying. One from overdosing on cough cold and congestion pills, though not before he permanently gave himself ulcers. He learned to tame his violent temper by talking to me instead of punching the nearest solid. At least two of my friends would have committed suicide and/or continued self mutilating themselves.

So I tell ya what, Mr. Scholarship Granter, I may not meet all the requirements you want. I may not fit the mold of the perfect child you want to help. But those children's mommies and daddies probably are going to wind up paying for their education after they flunk out from partying when they should be studying. Not me. I have crappy grades because I've spent my entire life caring for someone, practically mothering every friend (and half the family members) I've ever had. I put them before my future. And now I'm paying for that?

No. I refuse to believe the fact that because I've cared, I have to continue suffering. I've given myself ulcers from worrying. I've gone days without sleep to stay up with friends to keep them from killing themselves and still managed to go to all my classes. I was the DD, I was the babysitter, I was the shoulder to cry on, and now I'm going to be the student. I am going to completely separate myself from all of them so I can make my life better for a change. Now don't deny me the opportunity to finally make my life better. Or else all of this will have been for nothing, and I can't accept that.

Whatcha doin'?

     Do I really need a purpose?

 (side note: that is possibly the first time I've spelled 'purpose' correct on the first try in my entire life.)

     I feel like a purpose is something only important people have. I'm just a 17 year old high school student. My thoughts and opinions don't really matter yet. But I suppose that someday, with any luck, I'll have a purpose.

Poor kid. If only life could be this easy.

     When you're growing up, you always seem to know exactly what you want to do with your life. You want to be a princess or a doctor or Ninja Turtle or an astronaut (sorry kids, that dream's now impossible. Thanks NASA.) or, in my case, a country music superstar. That's right folks, I was dead set on being a famous singer. But then I grew up and realized how bad of stage fright I have. Dream: crushed.
      So as I grew up, I always knew exactly what I wanted to do. I've planned on being a genealogist, an architectural historian, a neurologist studying how music affects the brain, a stay at home mom, a lawyer, a writer, a paranormal expert, a writer, a reader, and a politician. My dreams and desires seemed to change faster than some of my friends' relationship statuses. And here I am, December of my senior year of high school, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, and I'm coming up with zilch. I don't really understand this phenomenon. Why do we know exactly what we want until it's time to officially decide?

It's just all so confusing!

      I guess if I had to pick my purpose, as this assignment asks of me, I would say it could be a lot of things. It could be to work with little kids (God knows how much I love them). It could be to study things for fun and not do well in actual classes (ask me anything about quarks or tardigrades. I'll blow your mind. Ask me about MLA format and I'll make you cry with disappointment). It could be a lot of things. But right now, I think my purpose is to find my purpose.

      Something I've noticed this week is that I'm always either the best of the worst, or the worst of the best. It's like I live on that fine line between great and terrible. I'm the in betweener. I'm the one who's the screw-up of the good kids, but the crowning jewel of the screw ups. As I once wrote in an essay for Mrs. Vetter's freshman English class, I am made of contradictions and discrepancies.
      (TANGENT TIME!) As Augusten Burroughs said, and John Green mentioned in his super awesome book The Fault in Our Stars, “I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” That could probably sum me up about as well as anything else. I think that could be my purpose, to just mess up with the best intentions in mind. I'd be pretty dang good at that. I'm the best at screwing up.

     Back to the subject. One purpose I've, unfortunately, overlooked is to be awesome. As mentioned in previous blog posts, I am a member of Nerdfightaria. It's like, the coolest internet community ever. Everyone's made of awesome and no one would ever want to do anything that wasn't beneficial to more people than it hurts. Hank Green, the science-y brother who also has a beautiful way with words, once said ". . . Maybe that's what we should be trying for. For the world to be less good without us." I don't know about you, but that seems like a pretty good goal for life. But, as he also said (in a totally different video) "Some people are so intent on leaving their mark on the world that they don't care if it's a scar." That's pretty not-some. It's the complete opposite of awesome! But the sad part is that it's true. Some people just don't think about how the things they do effect people, and we all should! Maybe that could be my purpose. I can be the one that calls people out when they're not being cool. I can be the local version of John and Hank Green! But in all actuality, my purpose is to be me.

For better, for worse, forever. I'll be me.

I didn't want to do this. . .

So my previous post was very classy and elegant, but missing 3 of the 6 pictures I was supposed to include in it. I'm just going to place them here for the time being.
My Home!

My lovely barn :)

This was after that epic snowstorm in January of 2011.

My School:

Our school logo

This is the sign that sits in front of our wonderful high school

My Community:

Another depiction of Nerdfightaria Island (The coolest community ever!) :)

The West side of the Hamilton County courthouse! 

My State:

It is a pretty great life here :)

It's true, we still use wagons. NOT! I have a Rendezvous and a Chevy.

So that's it. My leftovers, if you will.

I'm not lost, I'm taking the scenic route

     "We're not lost, we're taking the scenic route," is one of my most/least favorite things to hear on long car rides. My mother always has the latest edition of a big laminated atlas with our route drawn out, but we don't necessarily go that way. This leads to some pretty awesome adventures. You get to see sights that you would have otherwise missed, but you also end up being late getting to wherever it is you're traveling, which is not generally a big deal.
     That's kind of how my life is. I have all these big ideas and plans, but they don't generally go that way. A road is closed or we take a wrong turn; a kink gets thrown in my plan or I realize it's not what I want. Things happen. Life happens. But it leaves you with some super crazy awesome memories, that's for sure.

Who cares where you are when you're traveling?

I don't think the physical location of my person is very important most of the time. I like being places and experiencing things. I like traveling and moving, I like the craziness of being unstable. It's a constant adventure. Unfortunately, I'm still in school, and that means I need to stay put so I can go to classes and all that yucky stuff. But rest assured that the day after our graduation, a mere 163 days away from this very day (click here to see the nifty countdown I have going!),  I will be packing my things into my cute little mom car and preparing myself for some epic adventure. I will go do something and experience all life has to offer. I will go to seek my very own 'great perhaps'. (If you didn't catch that reference, go read Looking for Alaska and figure out your life. Also, it's a quote of François Rabelais.)

     In the mean time, I'm here. "Here" is kind of a boring place in the middle of Nebraska. Most people have never even heard of Aurora, let alone Murphy. That makes sense though, because Murphy is technically not a town anymore. Yet for the handful of us that still claim Murphy as our home sweet home, it's a very real place. We may only be comprised of a church, an elevator, a few families, and more corn and cows than we can count, but we are still there! I live on the only non-highway blacktop road in the area, North K Road. I could probably drive that road with my eyes closed, and I probably have just to prove my point.
     "Here" is also Aurora High School, the place where I have spent more time at than my home in the last four years. It is the last leg of the marathon of schooling that is the Aurora school system, beginning with elementary school, moving on to middle school, and now, finally concluding with high school. It is where I have met a very large amount of my friends, and where I keep many many memories of days gone by.

Welcome to Nerdfightaria, my friend!

     "Here" is also Nerdfightaria. Nerdfightaria isn't necessarily a physical location so much as Utopia that many people believe in. This video and it's comments can describe this place much better than I can, so instead, I'll inform you about Nerdfighting in general.
Nerdfighters are followers of the Vlogbrothers, two brothers (John and Hank Green) that dared each other to go 365 days without communicating via text.One day, Hank posted a song about Harry Potter that gained a lot of attention, and followers came. We are people who are made up of awesome. Like, instead of bones and tissue and blood, we're just a lot of awesome. We believe in decreasing world suck by doing things like Project For Awesome and helping people who need help. Overall, we are a group of internet friends that want the world to be better when we're done with it. A world that's more tolerant of each other and more educated about things that matter.
     But "here" is only relatively stable. I mean, up to this point I've moved quite a bit. Never anything super drastic, but enough that I never had an opportunity to settle into a house. That's one thing about my mother, you never get bored when you live with her because just when you get comfy, you move. But now that I've been living with my father for four years and I'm really comfortable, it's time to move. It's time to leave this place that I've known my whole life and move on to something bigger and better, like college.

     So I guess you could say that I don't really know where I am. I'm somewhere on the way between where I started and where I'll end, but I don't know how far into my journey I am or where I'm supposed to end up. It's all up in the air right now, and I'm okay with taking the scenic route.