"This whole idea of coming home is really strange. 3 weeks ago, I couldn't imagine being comfortable anywhere else. I had my little nest built here, and it was cozy. I picked out all the main pieces of my nest and headed off. I found a home for all my things and ended up with a brand-new nest that was incredibly cozy! I settled in without realizing it. I developed new patterns and habits. I adapted to sharing my nest with someone I wouldn't have ever even talked to. But I kept thinking, "I want to go home."
As I was turning towards Nebraska City, I thought about how easily I could just turn around and not come home. Dad didn't know I was coming. Risa probably wouldn't care. Jacob was being cranky. Plus, it'd be cheaper. But I thought about how much I've missed Jacob and my room, so I continued.
When I walked in the ever-unlocked front door, Dad and Risa both seemed so happy to see me, but I didn't feel anything. It felt like coming home after a long day of school. Nothing too spectacular.
I looked around. Nothing much had changed, but everything felt different. The fridge has been cleared of my childhood trophies to make room for Crystal's plans for the future. The milk was in a different spot in the fridge. My mug wasn't in the cupboard. It was just little things.
To Dad and Risa, nothing had changed. Having me back wasn't much different. But coming back, that's so much different. This is no longer my home. But neither is my dorm. These next few years, I will be a drifter. Both physically and metaphorically. I have a place to stay when the dorms are closed, I'll have a permanent address to have my things mailed to, but I won't have a home.
For the last few weeks, I've looked forward to laying on my bed. As I lay here now, I just want to leave. The idea of coming back again is more stressful than the idea of leaving ever was."
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